Like I said the other day in regards to my video post “My First Gym Workout” that this will not be a fitness blog I also want to say that this WILL not be a dating or relationships blog. Nor a carrying a torch to get the girl back blog. Not saying that I would not welcome that opportunity without a second thought. I am still struggling, though, to even understand what it was in the big picture. What it was or what it was not versus what I had constructed it to be in my head. Sometimes you want something so badly, to feel something so badly, that you paint a mural in your head only to see and feel what you want. Regardless of what is being sternly told to you by the person that is the other half of the equation. Was I doing that with her? I am struggling to attach a coherent answer to that question. Hell I am still attempting to break the habit of checking my phone for any signs of a message from her morning, noon, and night. Every noise or vibration from my phone is a pining desire that it is her, but I already know that it is not before I even think of grabbing it from my pocket.
Even if this is not a relationship blog I badly need to understand myself in the contexts of all romantic, platonic, or otherwise personal relationships to understand myself and how to appropriately function within said relationships. So add that to the ever growing list of this next year. I honestly do not have the faintest idea of what this blog is etching itself to be yet and I hope that I can eventually start to narrow in a more concise focus, but if this functions as nothing more than a year’s long journal of mental health exploration among other side journeys then that is all the focus that it needs to have as far as I am concerned.
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